Scrambled thoughts in my mind

Friends are enriching my way of viewing things. They are also introducing me into other aspects of life that perhaps I knew but never really care about.

Recently a friend I've found through my online activities (OMNI), has made me interested in reading aboutMartin Heidegger. Browsing to the internet I've found a title of Heidegger's book "Being and Time"(Sein und Zeit). Another friend (also found through my online activities in wikimu.com) lend me the book's translated version (by John Macquirrie and Edward Robinson). He was kind enough to add another book as the introduction to that "heavy" philosophical book, titled "Heidegger dan Mistik Keseharian" written by Indonesian scholar F. Budi Hardiman.

I don't think I'll be able to understand the book. But it is interesting to learn more into it. Managing time is always the biggest problem of human being. I'm now musing about time. Peeking through Hardiman's book would probably make it easier for me to understand Heidegger. Having other friends' thoughts would really sharpened it.

I always feel that I suited the description of Descartes, "Cogito ergo sum", I think therefore I am. Perhaps that's the reason of my keeping diaries and now blog. Anne Frank and Kartini showed me how their thoughts made their "being" alive years after their departure from this earthly world. Of course other great scientists, authors, or artists are all exist in our mind because of their thinking activities. Yet, those two persons were ordinary persons who shared their thoughts and fascinated us.

I'm trying to read Heidegger's book as I used to struggle with time. When I lost my grandmother I decided to quit my work as an architect as the architect's time table was so tight and it gave me no spare time to be with my grandmother in the hospital. I came only as guest. Then I worked for a technical consultant for the government's water company. It was easier there, but I missed the artistic part of work so I came back into architectural job.

Having children made me reconsider my job and I took a new experience as a full time mother. The children existence can be felt even since they were still unborn in my womb. These children would probably best suited the term "being and time".

I don't know where the book will lead me. I have so many unanswered questions which I hope can be fulfilled through this reading. Another book that I've read, The Power of Now, would also be helpful to understand Heidegger.

Freedom of choosing what we are going to do with our time, and how are we going to treat the time granted for us are making me confuse in finding the right choice.

Sometimes I wonder why I couldn't be just like another housewives that I knew, who are just enjoying their daily routines. My mind likes to go around, browsing outside my head to a larger community. Having social life is also meant social costs, things that was usually avoided by homemaker with a tight budget. Yet, I do need it to feed my mind, to make me feel alive.

While having so many interesting things dancing in my mind, I do need to know why am I here in this world, what should I do...perhaps Heidegger or other philosophers could help me (if my mind can understand their writings...)