In the quest of a balance life

Actually how a woman would lead her life is up to her. I believe in freedom of taking our own choices. There is an interesting article in the Jakarta Post regarding emancipation written by Dyna Rochmyaningsih, "Irony of an excessive women's emancipation".

Earlier this month, on the eve of International Women’s Day, a survey conducted by Reuters newswire posed the question “Is a woman’s place in the home?” Responses showed that one in four people believed a woman’s place was in the home.

Well, this information could be seen as good news, as it reveals that the majority of adults in the world believe women may not only be at home and can participate in many activities outside the
household.

Nowadays, women run companies, become professors and even head governments.

Many people now believe women should not be marginalized. Thanks to those who during the last century supported the idea of women’s emancipation women can now freely express their talents and interests in many areas.

Indeed, women should have equal rights. In fact, biologically, women make a larger contribution to the offspring than men. Normally, in the process of making new humans, two gametes are needed.
A woman will provide an egg cell (ovum) and the man gives sperm. It is important to note that the egg cell provides more material than the sperm.

The sperm cell only provides genetic material, while the egg provides not only genetic materials but also cytoplasm and mitochondria as the energy source for the new being.

Later, a woman makes another significant contribution to the offspring by providing it with a place
to develop (in the uterus), and shares her nutrients with it. After birth, she also gives the child important immunity through her breast milk.

In addition, through a new technology called cloning, we can even question the existence of men. As mentioned before, women provide egg cells which consist of cytoplasm and materials.

For cloning, all we need is an egg cell and genetic material. Today, we can get genetic materials not only from sperm cells but also from body cells. This could mean sperm is no longer essential.

In my view, these biological contributions are strong enough to support arguments for women’s equality. The survival of our species owes women much. But ironically, these contributions are now threatened by the modern phenomena of the role of women itself.

Every medicine has side effects. The achievement of positioning women as equal to men has not only had positive impacts on the freedom of women, but also negative impacts on their biological contribution to the species.

The survival of the species depends on the successful continuation of its genetic materials in the offspring. When a woman pays more attention to her personal career than her family — excessively in some cases — they risk their biological contribution.

Here are two examples: (1) postponing marriage to an older age because of personal career goals
will likely decrease the chances of having a healthy baby because the older a woman is when pregnant, the higher risk of her having a baby with chromosomal defects, (2) letting a baby sitter spend more time with a baby will negatively affect the mother-infant bond, the baby will grow up with someone else and might not have a close relationship with their mother.

These two examples will likely have negative impacts on the survival of offspring. If the prevalence of cases such as these increases the survival of the species will be threatened.

Excessive freedom among women in pursuing non-family-related goals decreases their ability to contribute to the survival of the species. We should be careful of this. It would be wise for women to find a balance between her personal and family life.

The author is a science writer.

It is indeed interesting as I was just thinking how dull it is if God only created the cloning of Adam and Eve. Through citizen journalism we can see how different responses from different heads. In the real life, a couple is usually also like yin and yang, the negative and positive side join together to make the one complete circle of life. We are interested to others because they are different from us. Yet, how women and men think do need a bridge to communicate.

Lately I thanked God that I don't have daughters. It will be more difficult for me to raise girls when I can't even finished my own struggle of self position in the emancipation. While supporting wholeheartedly the freedom of emancipation, I am also picking my own choice to stay at home. And while my heart is also asking me to go out and do something, the society expect me to stay attached at home. Controversy... That's how I was sometimes torn between two desires. I knew my own character, and also my husband's character. I was afraid of not being able to help the children grow up in character and faith if I take a full time job. I'm a bit perfectionist, it would risk my attention to the kids. They are slowing me down, aren't they? Yet, they are the greatest gift I've ever had...

Life these days is really a material thing, we do need more money to keep on going than perhaps in my era of childhood. Education became so expensive, knowledge is abundant but to help to get it instantly we do need money. Do we really need it instantly? May be not. May be we only need to have enough time to learn for life skills. I know that even if the gardener had planted a good seed, it won't always grow out beautifully. But, it is also for sure that without investing time and fertilizer the plant will not blossom as beautiful as the plant that was in a special treatment (yes, we do have God's special treatment, but He is also asking for our shares). Health issue is also very expensive these days, perhaps it is a sign to start a better and balancing life. If we can't do it, how can we transfer the knowledge to our children?

I'm still trying to grab the essence of emancipation and holding it to the best of our future generations.

The three brothers (Korean Film)

Since coming back from Seoul, I've been interested in things that are related to Korea. One of that special interest is the Korean films. I saw some of Korean's television dramas were so real...The everyday problems that we are also encounter, globally...

I was the loyal follower of the Japanese film "Oshin" before, now I'm interested in following the story of "The three brothers". It's a bit funny that the title which should be translated into Indonesian language as "Tiga bersaudara" gets another translation "Keluarga Aneh" (Weird family). This is a TV serial from KBS, and it seemed that it has quite some sponsors from Indonesia; Korean restaurant, Korean wallpaper gallery, and I've also seen Garuda Indonesia (hopefully I'm not remembering another film as I'm not really sure seeing it today). I could also see some Korean advertisements, Korean singers during the film break.

I like the three brothers as it is so close to a family story, and seems so real yet so frightening...The character that made me interested in this film is actually Wu-mi, the housewife who had to face her mother-in-law's high demand everyday. Then, she still have to deal with an uncaring husband, who was persistent of not doing any infidelity while giving his special attention to his assistant in his business. It's unbelievable that there is a mother-in-law like the one who lives with Wu-Mi. And it's more amazing that a person like Wu-Mi can stand such a hard and boring life. Yet, that film made me thankful for the family I have today...

Other characters are also very interesting, but the story of Wu-Mi made me wondering of her future life. She is so Asian type, so humble and defenseless. Actually I would love to see her open her own restaurant and be a successful restaurant owner, instead of putting the rest of her life in that sorrowful condition. With her hard work and her cooking skill she can also run her own business. She deserve more than that.

Seeing Wu-Mi in her sleeping condition, when she drank overdose sleeping pills, didn't make her husband realize his wrongdoing. Wu-Mi has a strong capacity to handle all her miseries, she is tough in her husband's eyes. The "strictly business" relation between him and his assistant is already an infidelity in a woman's(wife's) feeling, but he was never realizing how he came into that trap. A weak and crying woman blinded him from the painful life that his wife had to live while living with him and his big family. But, that's life...we can see a lot of stories like that in our surroundings. I'm still curious about the future of Wu-Mi...no wonder this film got successful rating in Korea.

The picture above was taken from All Koreans Online Community

International Women's Day: a Self Reflection

Bloggers Unite has an event of writing about the International Women's Day (IWD) for March 8, 2010. In the introduction for the post, it is written that the objective of the writing is to acknowledge the IWD as a major day of global celebration for the economic, political and social achievements of women past, present and future. Indonesia only has one day for women, Hari Ibu. The translation into English will make it a "Mother's day", but it was actually started as a Women's Day.

If we read it in English Wikipedia, it is shown clearly that Hari Ibu started from a celebration of Indonesian Women's Congress.

Mother's day (Indonesian: Hari Ibu) is celebrated nationally on December 22. It is the day of the first Indonesian Women Congress (Indonesian: Konggres Perempuan Indonesia) from December 22 to 25, 1928. The meeting happens in a building now known as Mandalabhakti Wanitatama in Adisucipto Street, Yogyakarta. It was attended by 30 female organizations from 12 cities in Java and Sumatra. In Indonesia, female organizations have existed since 1912, inspired by Indonesian heroines of the 19th century, e.g. Kartini, Martha Christina Tiahahu, Cut Nyak Meutia, Maria Walanda Maramis, Dewi Sartika, Nyai Ahmad Dahlan, Rasuna Said, etc.

The idea to make the day official was started during the third Indonesian Women Congress in 1938. It was signed by president Soekarno under the Presidential Decree (Indonesian: Dekrit Presiden) no. 316 year 1959. The day was originally aimed to celebrate the spirit of Indonesian women to improve the condition of the nation. Today, Mother's Day is celebrated by expressing love and gratitude to mothers. People present gifts to mothers, such as flowers, hold surprise parties and competitions such as cooking competition or kebaya wearing competition. People also allow mothers to have their day off from doing domestic chores.[citation needed]

From the Indonesian wikipedia, we can read that Hari Ibu used to be a day to voice out voices of Indonesian women, i.e. voicing their concern about high prices (read the Indonesian wikipedia). Indonesia had its first woman minister in 1950 with the appointment of Ibu Maria Ulfah as a Minister of Social Welfare (Menteri Sosial). Now, we have more than one woman minister in the cabinet. Yet, life for women is not easier than before. Women as the target of domestic violence are still here. I've known a story of a woman who worked overseas as a migrant worker, sending her money home, while her husband is using that money to live with his other wife here...That's life!

Actually, reading my grandmother's biographical notes made me realize that she was braver and more advance in taking her choices of life than me. May be it was due to her freedom from a family life? She lived her life alone, never had a family responsibility, the one that married women would usually struggling in.

I used to dream of taking my master degree, but failed to gain any scholarships. Yet, may be I was not persistent enough on that dream. I changed my mind as I get married and have children. Kartini gave up her scholarship, and later on she got married. Delivering her baby made her lost her life. Having my own children to me was like starting to loose my old life and started a whole new world. Citizen journalism made me came back to a part of my old life. It is something that makes me alive, and I'm trying hard to keep the balance of my "present" life.

I wonder if there is a relation between the changing meaning of Indonesian Women's day. "Hari Ibu" is not representing women's day anymore, but is reduced into a mother's day. I use the word 'reduce' as we are only celebrating the role of a mother in a woman. Yet, women have so many different aspects. Are we reducing our own talents? I know there are a lot of Indonesian women who have their achievement in social, political, or economic achievements. Ibu Sri Mulyani, Indonesian Finance Minister, is an interesting person. Despite of the Century case, her ability to go up into her position now is really amazing. I've seen a television interview where her family also present. She admitted that she need to balance the demand of her work with her time for her family. Even at the moment of one important meeting (the Century case), she was actually in a mourning condition as she knew that her mom was sick and then passed away, without the ability to be there at her last moment.

That's the risk of a working woman. To be able to balance the duty of work and the family matters. It is harder on women, especially here in Asia, where patriarchal way of life made women seen as second class citizen. We can argue that it is way the woman put herself is important. But, it is true that being a woman made the struggle become harder.

In the construction site, it was more difficult for woman (than for her fellow male co-worker) to order the male worker under her supervision to do something. Male workers tended to underestimate women.

Yet, more and more successful women appeared. If we used to hear that behind every great man there is a great woman, then perhaps it is time to consider that we also need a great man (or a great family) behind a great multitasking woman. So the man in family should also support their wife, their daughter, or their granddaughter to reach to the sky...

Once in a bus, I asked a young girl who are heading to work in a kiosk in Mangga Dua, why she had chosen to work after her senior high school and not to continue her study. She answered me, "It will be the same, don't you think? After the study I'll end up waiting for that kiosk too. So, why wasting my time?" It's not really true, there will be a different aspect if she chose to continue her study (of course financial support is needed). Yet, if I see housewives around me (including myself :)), we were going through difficult time of study only to take our post at home. Some gained her success through selling her ability to cook, some other through selling insurance or houses. This cooking expertise or marketing ability could be gained even without enduring the study. I've met a man who was my first tutor as a junior architect. He forgot me, but astonished that I became a housewife, he said: "What a waste of your long struggle of study and work..." I thought it was the colours of my life, and I feel blessed that I had those wonderful experiences...yet, somewhere inside I am still asking myself to try my best to make those experiences worth for others. The struggle to balance myself between my family life, my idealism, and my contribution to others is still going on.